All right, y'all, I want your opinions. I want your advice. I want to know your stories. I want to hear everything that you have to share on this subject. I want to know how you handle this, if you've ever had to handle it, or how you would handle it if it came across your path. So how do you approach the subject when somebody that you're close with let's say you're just friends with this person
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 4:49
I told her best friend that, hey, I screwed up. I told her how much I liked her, and I waited. She never friends me on Facebook. I simply waited. And till I got in another relationship. She got in another relationship. And then one night, I just texted her to b**** about something. And it was about a personality trait of the person that I just tried to date. And it didn't work out
Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 5:00
There's got to be some above board honesty with things where don't read into what someone is doing or what they're saying because they said they like you. Don't read into what they're doing or what they're saying when actuality they haven't did anything that would imply that they're stepping over a boundary that was set up between you two. So that's another scenario. And for some people, it's just about, you know what?
And then on the flip side I am interested in woman but because of the way that I approach female friendships first, I haven't had very many situations running into where I am the one to tell somebody else that I'm interested. That's a whole coagmire in itself and I don't know how to sort all of that out of how I operate exactly
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:37
So that may mean that you don't hang out with this friends as much anymore. Maybe you all were hanging out every weekend. Maybe you need to cut that back to twice or once a month. It may mean that you don't share certain things with them. Like the intimacy we once had in this relationship, which may have caused those romantic feelings to develop. The fact that we're spending so much time together and getting so personal with each other, maybe I need to stop being that personal
Carly D
@Astroality · 3:22
And I'm just going to drive over there and I'm going to knock on the door, and I'm going to hope that even though there's been some time, he'll still feel the same way about me. He'll still open his arms to me, and who knows? It could be the most beautiful connection of your life. Because I believe that the best romantic connections always start as friendships, and I totally believe in fate
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:30
Like if before you guys traded off every other time treating each other, then do that. If you normally bought things for each other as little surprises or gifts, continue to do that. But just knowing that it still comes from that place of true friendship, right. It doesn't come from a romantic perspective
Nidhin George 🔷
@geo_rhymes · 4:37
From my experience I realize that I am someone who has a romantic intent when I meet someone right from the start, maybe not like 5 seconds into meeting the person, but it does come on earlier in the process. And if I don't feel that romantic intent with someone after the initial hours or initial days of meeting that person, then it is never going to come later on. Right. The friendship will improve and grow deeper and stronger with time
Carly D
@Astroality · 3:55
I expect someone to be very direct with me and say, hey, maybe this started as a friendship, but now I want something more. Is that for you or is that not for you? I don't ever assume, like, oh, yeah, we're hanging out a lot, or they always laugh at my jokes, or they're always picking up my favorite coffee for me. So that must mean that they like me in that way
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 1:25
I knew I had screwed up, and I knew I wasn't hurt. I knew what her type was. I had seen all her types. And I'm not that guy. Who's going to say I'm not that guy? Because I'm not. I'm no better than the next person. I'm just me. And it's it's one of those things, though, where you really got me thinking that I really miss her. I miss the venting sessions
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:23
Not me, right? We're now not on the same vibe, we're not in the same energy. And then what do you do when you have shared friends? Like, there's a shared friend circle because you were all friends in the first place. It's like, do you be the one to tell people, like, hey, so and so came to me, they wanted something more than friends
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:50
Is it something I can easily let go of or is it something that I really want to nurture? Is it a seed that I planted that I want to see grow and blossom into something else? Or is this just one of those things where you kind of cut your losses and go plant seeds elsewhere? Like you, I also know immediately if I have chemistry or attraction with somebody and I'm able to articulate that very easily
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:14
And it was probably a few more months and I started dating somebody and the friends kind of got s***** about it was like, I don't understand how you can date. You're ready for a relationship now with him, but you weren't even thinking about it with me. And I said, no, that is not what I said with you. I told you it would never be because I wasn't vibing. It like that
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:28
I don't think you screwed up at all, because sometimes I will tell you, just as a woman, from a woman's perspective, we think we know what our type is, right? We go for the same type of guy who's had the same type of experiences. He's typically had the same type of trauma. And what we see in him that we think we need and we think we want may not actually be anything like what we need or what we want
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 3:06
But looking back on it, that was one of those seeds that in my brain was like, yeah, we do really get along awesome. Maybe someday. Again, there's a very short list three to be exact that could knock on my door anytime, any day from my history of life. I am 53, almost 54. One I used to propose to every year. I figure I'd eventually wear her down, but then, of course, life happens, and we're still friends
Nidhin George 🔷
@geo_rhymes · 2:12
Hey, Kali, that's a great point which you raised there. So if if romance is the chemistry, you know, between two people, and I'm speaking purely from from a relationship or a romantic relationship perspective, so if, you know, if that romance or the attraction is the chemistry between two people, then then like you said, friendship is the oxygen or rather the catalyst that keeps the attraction alive and keeps the reaction going. And let me also chime in here with another point
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:56
I still definitely want to be friends, even if that's all we can ever be, right? And I respect that you might date other people and that I might have to experience some of that, but cool it on. Like, giving me all the juicy details, right? Like, sure, let me know someone's in your life, especially if that person is going to be taking up your time or attention
Carly D
@Astroality · 3:24
It's the passion, it's the love, it's the chemistry. It's all the effort that goes into it every single day. Even on the days when you feel like, I don't have any gas in the tank left to give, but because I care about this person and I care about this connection, I will find another gear
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 0:54
Glad I could help. Girl, I've got more experiences than anybody wants. And you're right. What you said on the end there, hanging around, waiting on the opportunity, that opportunist. And you got to be careful, because they will do that. They will, no matter how honest and blunt you are. But here's the thing
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:02
It's like, no, you want me to want you because I want you, not because you happen to be available, because you happen to be around, and you stuck around. Like, who wants to be with someone because of that? Such insanity to me. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom, and I will keep you updated, as always
Ann-Gela Kaye
@DearAuntyAng · 3:15
Yes, men and women can be friends, but I think there's always like, just because we're friends doesn't mean I don't see you as attractive, doesn't mean I don't recognize that you are in fact a male, doesn't mean we're always trying to be with each other. But I don't know if I've ever I've been just friends with people, but there's always that zero to 1% chance that I might find this person attractive
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:46
There's just that undercurrent, like you said, where it's not necessarily I want to be with you, but I can definitely to acknowledge the fact that you look good, you smell good, you're funny, you're smart, whatever, right? And you kind of like, give it an eyebrow raise. It just is what it is, right?
Glenn Mann
@GlennPriceMann · 3:01
Can you really be friends once if you sort of said what you've had to say, confess your feeling, then the person doesn't sort of share those feelings. Can you go back to being friends again as normal? I think you can. But I think someone mentioned before there probably should be some distance. They should probably go up and just do something. I don't know, perhaps look, you might meet somebody and totally forget that you were into your friend like that
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:46
It's. Glenn, thank you so much for sharing your poem. I love it. I love poetry. It always makes me smile. So thank you. I appreciate that. I also love that you just said it's like an old school Oprah Winfrey show. You cracked me up. And, yeah, I just loved it. And, yeah, you're right. I think it's just honesty is always the best policy in every situation
Jordan Tepper
@JordanTepper · 2:54
But anyway, when I was in college, there was a girl that I really liked, and she liked me, but she was in a relationship, so we became friends. We friend zoned, but we kind of messed around a little bit. Never had sex or anything, but just flirted and kissed and whatnot
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:39
The friendship itself isn't worth it because I know for myself that I feel differently about you than just seeing you on a friendship level. And I'm just not going to put myself through that. I think it's so hard to sometimes put ourselves first, even if it means sacrificing a friendship that we really care about. It's like, no, because I know that I want more, and I know that you're telling me there's not going to be more
Badia Atcherson
@BMoKareful · 2:31
But it hasn't stopped him, so which tells me he mustn't have an issue with rejection. Nor has he stopped being my friends, but me on the other end, if it was me liking him or whatever the case may be, or told him that I was interested, I would have to check and see do I have a problem with rejection and could I still be his friend?
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:41
I've never had that experience where I've been on that half of it. Right. Maybe like some people have said in this Thread, it just takes time and space apart to Heal and Be Like, okay, yeah, I really am not into them that Way. Maybe it was just because we were spending a lot of time together, so maybe I could step away and just be like, hey, for a few weeks. I need my space. I don't really want to talk
Badia Atcherson
@BMoKareful · 1:25
I have to say and be honest, that I am one with my ex. Maybe it's not. I don't know. I do consider him a friend, and I'm glad that whenever we reach out or he reach out, reaches out, or if I do, that we are at a place where it doesn't I personally don't want anything, don't want a relationship. So I know what he says
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:52
You. This made me giggle because you said something that is so important that happens to me every time. It's like they open up the door as a friendship thing. Like, hey, how you been? Or hey, I saw you out the other day, you're looking good. Or I saw your picture online, you looking good. Right? And it always starts really nice. It always starts really friendly
Hey, this is Mike Scribe. Seven. I have never had a female friends. Never. The only women that I actually ever dealt with. They mike me or I was interested in being with them. And maybe the timing wasn't right, so we hung out a little bit. But it can't happen, especially if I'm in relationship. I'll ask the person, the woman that I'm seeing if I need a female opinion or something like that
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:59
He would tell me, right? Because he doesn't ever put the moves on me. Or maybe sometimes he'll throw in a conversation about another girl, or you will throw in a conversation about a different guy, and you kind of wait for their reaction. And if there isn't a reaction, and they just give straight info, like, eyes on the road, straight info, right. You're like, okay, yeah, it's not like that